The Monkey Is In.

So be prepared. Bring a banana.

I'm a writer of horror and dark fiction. I've been doing this since 1999 and believe me when I say, it's cheaper than therapy and safer for the world at large.

Filtering by Tag: eyeliner

PDs, MEHs, and GFYs 2018 Year End

Again…gah. I haven’t done one of these for MONTHS, but I hope to get back into a regular schedule for 2019. For those who are new, instead of doing the generic “Likes and Dislikes” or “Fails and Favorites,” I call my list of crap I liked and hated as “Panty Droppers, Mehs, and Go Fuck Yourselves.”

Enjoy.

PDs

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Tarte Rainforest of the Sea Foundation: I don’t usually spend my money on high-end makeup. Tarte is the exception. I prefer light coverage foundations, if I wear them at all, and this is perfection. It lasts all day on me and looks as good at the end of the day, as it did after first application. I had to get a new bottle, though, because my previous one expired before I could use it up. Right now I have Fair-Light Neutral, but I probably could switch to Fair Beige (they came out with a few new shades since I first bought it.)

Stila Huge Extreme Lash Mascara: I got this as a sample in one of my Ulta orders this year. And I didn’t want to like it because Stila is one of those high-end brands. But DAMMIT! This stuff makes my lashes look long, thick (rowr) and gorgeous.

A’Pieu Finger Blusher: This came in a 3B subscription bag (aaaaaages ago.) I can’t believe how long it lasted. The smell just started to go off, so I had to toss it. But if I can find this again, I would repurchase. Perfect cream blush - blends out beautifully, and the peach shade I had was very natural. One of the best blushers I’ve ever used. I don’t think they make it anymore, but YesStyle has a ton of A’Pieu products, so maybe one of the blushes in there will work as well…?

Lunatik Cosmetic Labs Lipstick in Lacrimosa: This has been one of my favorite shades of lipstick in a long time. The description from their website: Lacrimosa is a translucent shade with a pink hue packed with a kaleidoscope of color shifting sparkles. I got it back in 2014, I think, at a convention. Unfortunately, the bullet completely dried up and it’s now impossible to get any pigment out of it. Which makes me incredibly sad. So I guess I’ll have to go get another one!

I forgot to include these babies in the PDs pic above, so they’ll get special treatment. I know a lot of people don’t like the metallic lip look, because it makes the lips appear older/aged. Personally, I don’t care. I love how shiny the Metal Shock is (shade: Mercury,) and the Vibrant Shock (shade: Nightstalker) is just a gorgeous shock of color. Obvi.

The Vibrant Shock seems a teeny streaky at first, but you can definitely work with it to look just fine on the lips. These do dry down, but don’t become transfer proof. They’re just a titch sticky, but not the “sweet baby Jesus it’s gonna be 10 minutes before my lips separate!” kind of sticky.

MEHs

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Wet n Wild Tour & Tease Lip Balm: It’s a nice soft wash of color, but sooooo drying. This might be one of those multi-use products (lips and cheeks) and, if so, that explains the dryness. Never has any dual product felt nice on either part of the face. Blech.

The Ordinary Serum Foundation: I love the thin consistency and light coverage; the shade is pretty good, too. But it makes my skin look like a 4000-year old papyrus notebook found in some Egyptian angsty teenager’s sarcophagus. Ugh.

BH Cosmetics Naturally Flawless Foundation: Really good coverage and a nice shade. But, again, makes my skin look super dry, and my pores appear the size of Iowa. Ah….no thanks.

Catrice Glam and Doll False Lashes Waterproof Mascara: I wanted to try the waterproof version of this because the regular version makes my lashes so long, the product transfers all over the damn place. This isn’t quite that good, PLUS it’s nearly impossible to remove. Hence, the reason I rarely wear waterproof makeup.

Essence Lash Princess Sculpted Volume Mascara: I love the original one (pink details) but this was just okay. The real problem is that it’s thick and gloopy, and never really dries out enough to be more controllable. Too bad.

GFYs

Notoriously Morbid Jinxed Jewels Liquid Eyeshadow in Tempting Devils: I got this little guy in the NM Halloween Advent Calendar. This shit is terrible. They say it can be worn on its own, layered, or over an eye shadow. I tried both, and it looked like hammered shit both times. Completely creased and crumbled off my eye after a few hours. I tried it more than once, just in case I layered it too heavily or not enough. Nope. Fucking awful product. (This is not for individual sale on the site.)

Notoriously Morbid Cosmic Gloss in Brooding Vampires: I’m specifically talking about the Brooding Vampires shade, which I also got in the Advent Calendar (I only took the pic of it with the Smoke & Fire shade to compare they came in the same full size container, but sure as FUCK don’t contain the same amount of product. The sticker may say 2 mls, but you can clearly see the base of the twist up tube is much higher on BV than on S&F. I only twisted the BV tube enough to get the product out - I haven’t worn this shade at all.) Brooding Vampires just came out of the tube as slightly tinted gloop. It never mixed with the base oils so I really don’t know what color this is supposed to be. Weak, and a little shifty on the packaging, NM. (For some reason, there are no links to get their Cosmic Gloss on the site - not sure what’s up with that because the Smoke & Fire shade is phenomenal.)

Tarte Aqua Concealer: Imagine my surprise when the concealer, in the same line as the foundation I love, makes my under eyes look dryer than a dust covered shelf in a long abandoned castle from the 18th century. Fuck you, Aqua concealer, you lying bitch.

Colourpop No Filter Concealer: See above, sans the corresponding foundation comment. (Full disclosure: I could have sworn they had regular and matte concealer, but all that’s listed on the site is matte - so that would explain the dryness.)

RK Extend Illusion Mascara: At first, I kind of liked this. But the more I wore it, the more I realized it was a tubing mascara, and those little fuckers shed INTO MY EYE BALLS. Fuck that noise. (I can’t find any place that sells this now so…there you go.)

NYX Matte Lip Cream (Moscow): I normally love these, but this particular color is patchy, hard to work with, and gets crumbly as it dries. Which explains why it’s not even for sale on the NYX website. At least they recognize when something sucks.

NYX Strictly Vinyl Liquid Eye Liners: So disappointed in this. I used the red shade once, and it was pretty cool. A few months later, went to use it again, and it was completely dried out. I bought a new bottle, the brown shade this time, and it was almost all dried up when I used it for the first time. Da fuck, NYX?

Catrice HD Liquid Coverage Precision Concealer: You know what this shit covers? Abso-fucking-lutely NADA. I appreciate the applicator design. I need to put concealer in a small, specific spot under my eyes or it becomes a shit show real fast. However, this all just blended away, but it left enough product behind to make my under eyes look like the Sahara. Fuck off, Catrice, you hit-but-mostly-miss beeyotch.

That’s it for 2018! See you on the other side, Ray.

Ipsy April 2018

For those who may not know, Ipsy is a monthly subscription service. For $10 you get 4-5 sample sized (sometimes full sized) makeup, skin care, and hair care products along with a reusable makeup bag. Check them out here: IPSY

(I pay for this service with my own money and all opinions are my honest ones)

April's theme: Social Butterfly. Because yes, that's EXACTLY what the introvert in me wants.

April's theme: Social Butterfly. Because yes, that's EXACTLY what the introvert in me wants.

Each month Ipsy creates a theme for the bag. While I hate them most of the time, this being no exception, the bag itself is so frakkin cute! The pink toned butterflies are pretty, the rose gold accents are beautiful, and that little card can go fuck itself. Don't ever count on that card to have useful information, by the way, unlike every other service out there. 

Anyway, let's get to the products. I'm pretty sure I'm excited about all these and mildly okay with one.

H20+ Oasis Hydrating Treatment: I want to say I've tried at least one product from this brand before thoughI can't remember for sure. But I'm excited to try this gel-like moisturizer. I've had good luck with all brands that come out with this kind of formula so I'm hopeful this will be amazeballs, too. Full size is $38 so this sample runs about $7.50. (I can't find ANY info on their cruelty free status so I've emailed them directly.)

Purlisse Coconut Oil and Coffee Sugar Body Scrub: I've used face products from Purlisse that can suck my dick but this body scrub is awesome. Gentle but effective exfoliation, the oil leaves your skin soft (it does coat your tub/shower so be careful of that!), and it smells divine. Not like sweetened coffee - just a good strong coffee scent. You can actually purchase this sample size tube on their site and it goes for $10. It's good for one use, though, and that's it. If you're bigger than me, it won't be enough (Says CF on their site but no other website backs that up).

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Ciate London Starstruck Double Ended Stamp liquid liner (black): At first I thought the stamp was going to be wing shaped, which I would not be opposed to trying because the struggle to get a good wing on my eyes is real. But this is a star because it's festival season (Coachella - who outside of California fucking cares) so I was a little disappointed. However, it looks so cute on the face (don't mind the lines on the hand stamp - product got on the base of it but you can get a clean stamp if you're careful). So since the liner end works pretty well, nice and black, easy to use, I'll let the star stamp slide. This particular eye liner is not available on the Ciate or Ipsy site so it must be an exclusive. The link I provided is for their regular eyeliner and it goes for $18 (CF).

Paula Dorf Bronzer in Bora Bora: I seriously thought this was an eye shadow until I went to Ipsy to get info on the product. Whoops. But that just proves they always send bronze or browns or neutral shades all the time so it was easy to mistake this for eye shadow. That would explain why it's not too warm or cool a color. It's a nice neutral shade that should look nice on everyone (at least with fair skin). I only use a little bronzer, if at all, and I have 3 of them already so I might not keep this. It's a nice shade, though, and feels nice on the skin. Full size is $32 so this sample is about $6.50 (Says CF on their site but again, can't find confirmation anywhere).

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Glamour Dolls Romantic Rose blending brush: Never mad to get a brush! And I think this has replaced my favorite Real Techniques brush for crease work. This is the perfect mix of precision shadow placement and blending. It's soft but not too soft, tapered to get the shadow right where you want it but doesn't plop down color that won't blend out. It's pretty perfect. Full size and is $5 (CF and Vegan).

Overall value runs about $47. Not too bad. I'm not completely surprised that I couldn't find CF status confirmation on several sites. A lot of brands are not well known and/or don't pay to have PETA or Leaping Bunny certify them. But it does leave me a little leery of what brands Ipsy is committed to working with for the bag each month. 

Ipsy March 2018 Review

For those who don't know, Ipsy is a monthly subscription service. For $10, you get 4-5 sample sized (sometimes full sized) makeup, hair, and skin care products, as well as a reusable makeup bag. Check them out here: IPSY

(I purchase this service with my own money and all opinions are my honest ones)

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March's theme has something to do with creating. Whatever. I don't particularly like the bag but I do enjoy being able to color it in. That's kinda cool. But let's get to the products!

Labotica Transforming Liquid Foil Mask: While this stuff looks super cool (like you're mutating into the Silver Surfer), the description of "gentle" and "great for sensitive skin" can SUCK MY BALLS. This stuff bonded to my face like the Man in the Iron Mask. It was not gentle to remove, my skin was irritated as fuck, and I broke out in a couple places across my chin. It's made by Leaders Cosmetics, a Korean brand, and it's on the "Pending List" over at Logical Harmony (which means they've reached out to the company about their cruelty free status but haven't heard back yet). Full size is $32 so this sample should be valued around $6.50. (CF - UNKNOWN)

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VenEffect Pore Minimizing Cleanser: This company's products fight hormonal aging (that lack of estrogen we produce as we get older contributes to signs of aging). I enjoyed this face wash. Smelled like a spa but not overpowering. Gentle and my face felt really nice afterward. It'll be a nice travel product. Full size (150 mls) is $60 (yikes) so this 15mls sample should go for $6.00. (CF? - can't find any info)

Hikari Cream Pigment Eye Shadow in Shine: I wish I could have gotten the green color instead of gold but wutyougonnado? Very pigmented, soft eye shadow and it looks great on the eye. Not sure I want to keep it because I have a couple gold shadows already and it's not a color I use a lot. I can't find the exact amount but most shadows are around 2g so I'll assume this is full sized and worth $13. (CF)

Tarte Cosmetics Sex Kitten Eyeliner: I think I've only ever tried one Tarte eyeliner before and it wasn't great (which might explain why it was on clearance when I bought it). But this stuff is pretty bomb. Though it doesn't break through the Hikari eye shadow (not sure if you can see but it goes green on the eye over the shadow), I put it on my waterline & tightline after I took the picture and that shit didn't budge. Well, some of it did, which is to be expected, but most of it stayed in place. In fact, it took about 2 days for it to completely wash off my eye. This might be my go-to eyeliner for convention makeup I need to last at least 10 hours. Full size is $20 so this sample is worth $10. (CF)

Steve Laurant Beauty Lip Oil in Orchid: It looks pink but this is a clear oil. It feels thicker, like a gloss/oil hybrid. Sort of like what Milani did a few years back. This stuff feels nice, it's not sticky, and it smells like vanilla butter cake. NOM. This is full size and goes for $18. (CF)

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Wow, looks like this bag is worth about $53.50. Pretty good deal though I'm disappointed that two of the products are not cruelty free/unknown CF status. I can usually forgive one but...to be honest, I'm thinking of phasing out of this subscription and trying something else. We'll see.

Ipsy February 2018

For those who may not know, Ipsy is a monthly beauty subscription service. For $10 you get 4-5 sample sized (sometimes full sized) makeup, skin care, and hair care products, as well as a reusable makeup bag. Check them out for yourself here: IPSY

(I purchase this service with my own money and all opinions are my honest ones)

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The theme this month is "Unzipped". I think that's in reference to being naked (not necessarily physically) or our true form or WHO THE FUCKING JESUS GOD CARES? The bag is pretty cute so I'm hanging on to it for now. Let's get to the products.

PUR Fully Charged Mascara: I haven't tried this yet because I'm trying to Project Pan another mascara (plus I have another one from Catrice that's open). But the reviews look good. I love trying new mascaras. Full size is 15mls for $22, so this 4 mls mini is around $5.50. (CF)

Beaute Basics Eye Shadow in "Lavish": While this shadow is described as a warm, shimmery bronze, it looks more coppery on my skin. Which is fine because I'm sick of bronze shades. It's very soft so can kick up some powder but the pigmentation is nice. Haven't tried it on my eyes yet, though. This looks like a full sized pan (4g) and goes for $15 on the BB site. (NCF - so I'll probably donate it)

Mellow Cosmetics Liquid Precision Pen Eyeliner: I haven't tried this on my eyes, either, but the swatch looks nice and black! It didn't smudge after it dried, unless I put water on it. Pens can be a little tricky to work with as they can dry out fast or get covered in eye shadow and not work as effectively. This also looks full size and goes for $14. (CF)

Luxie Beauty Blending and Shading Eye Brush 249: I love getting brushes and I've enjoyed every Luxie Beauty one I've received. They are super soft but not flimsy. Since it's double sided, it's not available on Ipsy or LB's site (naturally). But it looks like a combo between the precision shader ($14) and the tapered blending ($12) brushes. So let's average that to a $13 value. (CF) 

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Sand & Sky Pink Clay Mask: Now this stuff can go fuck right the fuck off. First of all, look at that picture. If you're gonna skimp on a sample then don't put it in a tube 4-times the size you need, asshats. Also, the package said it contains .45 ounces of product (the Ipsy site says .5). I cut that sucker open and weighed it. There was somewhere between .38 and .40 ounces (I used a titch on my face before it caught fire and I had to remove it, and whatever was left in the tube that I couldn't scrape out, which wouldn't be usable product anyway). I don't know how much is in a full sized jar but it goes for $49. I'd say this sample is worth $1, if even that much. (CF)

Overall, the value is around $47 (I'm not counting the clay mask because fuck that shit). So even without that this ain't too bad!

Ipsy December 2017 Review

The end of 2017 is upon us. And so is my last Ipsy review for the year. For those who don't know, Ipsy is a monthly subscription service. For $10 you receive 4-5 sample (sometimes full) sized makeup, skin, and hair care products. Check it out here: IPSY

(I pay for this service with my own money and all opinions are my honest ones)

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I guess the theme this month is Snow Globe, whatever the fuck that's supposed to mean. Who cares anyway? The bag, though, is awesome. It looks like some kind of fancy clutch you'd take to a party or something. So yeah, that's a keeper. Let's see what's inside this month!

The Chok Chok Green Tea Watery Cream: Doesn't sound to great, does it? Who wants their creams watery? But, according to the on-line description, this is supposed to be a great gel based moisturizing cream with 63% fermented green tea extract (instead of water). I do like the gel based ones. They're kiind of cool. Haven't tried this and I probably won't because Tony Moly is not cruelty free. Full size is $25 so this sample should run around $4. (NCF)

Nip + Fab Dragon's Blood Fix Pumping Serum: I love the glycolic cleansing pads from N+F so when I got this in my bag, I was pumped! No pun intended. Haven't opened it yet because I've still got half a bottle of The Ordinary buffet serum to use up. Full size is $20 so this sample is worth about $8. (CF)

Luxie Beauty Precision Shader Onyx Brush 239: I'm never mad at brushes, y'all. This is a nice compact shader with a slight taper to it. It really can put shadow RIGHT in the crease. It's not as good at blending that color out if you got too precise and heavy with a shadow so keep that in mind. This is full size and is valued at $14. The link is to their Rose Gold style - the black handle might be an Ipsy exclusive. Not sure. (CF)

Pixi by Petra Mesmerizing Mineral Duo in Orchid Ornament: I've never tried Pixi shadows before. I've heard mixed reviews so I've never wanted to spend the money on them. They're not high end pricing but they're not drug store either. These are two very soft and beautiful shades. They actually seem different in the pan compared to on the skin. I can't quite put my finger on it! You can see in the swatches that these shades can be built up but for my eye look, I just powdered my eyelid and swept a little of each color on (the gold on the lid and the dark rosy brown in the crease). These particular shades aren't available on the Pixi website (again, might be exclusive to Ipsy) and the mesmerizing minerals only come in 6-pan palettes. But they all look really pretty! Full size is $12 so this little duo is probably around $3. (CF)

NYX Faux Blacks Eyeliner in Obsidian: I actually own two other colors in this line. They're not great (one is Oxblood, the other is Olive but I kept the red one because I have no other color like it) so I was a little bummed about getting this. AT FIRST. Boy was I wrong about Obsidian. First, you'd think the name would indicate it's black but it's actually a dark, dark blue. Second, I've never encountered an eyeliner that stayed on my tight line and waterline as long as this one. MAYBE the Urban Decay 24/7 came close. So holy fuck me I love this pencil. It goes on super creamy so it wears down very fast. But I can live with that! This is full size and goes for $8. (CF)

Total bag value is around $37. Not too bad considering only one of the items isn't cruelty free and I'm stoked for everything else, including the bag. Nice little holiday wrap up (heh, see what I did there?) for 2017. Hope you all have a wonderful, safe, and happy holiday! See you in 2018.

Ipsy August 2017 Review

For those who don't know, Ipsy is a monthly beauty subscription service. For $10, you get 4-5 sample (sometimes full) sized hair, skin, and makeup products to try out each month. Check them out here: IPSY

I pay for this service with my own money and all opinions are my honest ones.

The theme this month is Good Vibes Only. And I'll tell you right now I don't get good vibes off this when they include an itty bitty theme card and a GIGANTIC catalog for their new Ipsy Cash program but do NOT include an info card on the products. In fact, it makes me furious. So you can afford to put together this huge catalog, on thick stock paper, glossy, full color, but you can't be bothered to tell me about the five little products? You and your theme can eat a bag of dicks, Ipsy.

Now, they may only be doing this GINORMOUS catalog once to introduce the program and that's cool. But if it shows up again next month, I'm gonna start throwing elbows.

The bag this month has some pretty colors on it (there were 3 versions created) though I would have preferred the one with more red because...red. But this is cool. It's also made of a thick vinyl so if you travel with spillable liquids, this might make a good containment system!

Crown Medium Face Contour Brush: I don't contour but the beauty of brushes is that almost all created can be multi-taskers (Alton Brown would be so happy). This one will probably be a great blush brush. And I am NEVER mad at getting brushes, especially ones so frickin' soft! This is full size and goes for $7 (CF perhaps - lots of conflicting info. These are synthetic brushes so they probably ARE CF but no guarantees)

Air Repair Skincare Super Hydrating Eye Cream: I've only used this once (after I mucked up an eye look and had to start over so the makeup wipe irritated my under eye). It's a good thickness, absorbed quickly, and moisturized really well. I'm not into under eye creams anymore but I do like them for before I apply concealer or eye makeup and my under eye is dry and irritated. Helps product go on much more smoothly. This sample of 5mls costs around $7.50 (CF according to their website but none of the other sites I check include them so...?)

Aurora Pro Color Corrector in Pistachio: I don't have a ton of redness on my face so these green correctors aren't that useful. But I tried it anyway on the little bit I have around my nose and cheeks. It ended up looking like a full-on Monet (gold star to anyone who knows what movie I stole that from BEFORE checking the link I provided). It looked really dry when I got up close in the mirror, though the product felt nice and creamy going on. Oh well. Their full sized concealer tubes go for $8 so this is perhaps half the size? Can't tell because there's no amount info on the website but it's a decent sized sample so let's go with $4. (No info on CF status anywhere)

Seraphine Botanicals Liquid Coal Waterproof Liquid Liner: I got the blush last month from this brand and I love it. This seems to be a nice black liquid liner that allows you to make a thin or thick line. It didn't bleed into the wrinkles on my skin either. I didn't make a wing with it but on the eyelids directly it didn't smudge or break down. And when it came time to remove it, no problem! I don't like waterproof stuff because it's so hard to get off (heh) but this was a breeze. This is full sized and goes for $22. (CF)

TheBalm Voyage Vol. 2 Highlighter in Kuwakaribisha: Ipsy says this is an eye shadow but TheBalm website includes this shade as their highlighter in the Voyage Vol 2 palette. So I'll go with TheBalm on this one. However, it does makes a great eye shadow! It's super pigmented and reflective as all fuck. Looks gorgeous on the eye as well as the face. I just wish the sample was bigger! I've valued this same sample size pan for their eye shadows in the past so I'll do the same for this highlighter and give it $1.50. (CF)

So give or take a few bucks the value of the bag is about $42. No too shabby! 

Ipsy July 2017 Review

Okay, I have to admit the bag really got me this month. So much so that I don't even care* how fucking useless the theme/card is all the time.

For those who don't know, Ipsy is a monthly beauty service. For $10 a month, you get 4-5 sample (sometimes full) sized beauty, skin, and hair products, along with a reusable makeup bag. Check them out here: IPSY

I pay for this service with my own money and all opinions are my honest ones.**

I think the theme had something to do with lazy summer days or some shit. I don't know who Gudetama is (another Internet sensation of which I'm completely unaware) but OMG look at that egg yolk's cute little butt! I literally (in the classic-and-should-be-the-only definition of the word) squealed with delight. It's a keeper for sure. Now, on to the products.

Ahava Mineral Hand Cream: I've received a few products from this brand before. While they've all been just okay, this hand cream is probably the nicest. It smells fantastic - but very floral. If that bothers you, you'll hate this. It's thin so it absorbs quickly but the skin feels silky afterwards, not greasy. Full size is $24. This travel sized tube is valued at $10. (NCF - some mixed info but no corroborating evidence of CF on any of the research sites I check)

IBY Crease Eye Shadow Brush: Inspired By You Beauty (pronounced I.B.Y.). This is supposed to be a domed shadow brush, great for blending out darker shadows on the eye. The cut on mine looks kinda wonky - not an even domed shape. Not sure if that's how it's supposed to be. It is very soft, synthetic, and 100% vegan. Full size valued at $12. (The brush is vegan so you have to think they're a cruelty free company but I can't find any info on their site or on any of the websites that compile CF company info.)

Ciate London Wonderwand Gel-Khol Hybrid Liner in Black: The claim is this has the pigmentation of a gel liner but the blendability of a khol pencil. And I would agree. I tried this on for shits and giggles without eye primer, over eye shadow, to see how it would work. It lasted longer that the eye shadow and didn't fade at all. The outer wing did lighten a little, which isn't surprising on my oily lids, but unless you were all up in my business, you never would have known. The brush is a titch scratchy but nothing terrible. I can't tell if this is full sized or not, but if not it's darn close. Full size is $18 so I'll call this item $15, just to be safe. (CF)

Seraphin Botanicals Lychee + Gold Healthy Glow Rose Gold Blush: (geez there's lot of long named shit this month). GORGINA blush color. Beautiful blend of peach and pink with a soft glow. Almost enough to forgo a highlighter. Almost...It kicks up a ton of powder but it's surprisingly not very pigmented, which I prefer. Easier to work with. This is full sized and goes for $14 (Vegan and CF)

Ofra Cosmetics Eyeshadow in Gold Rush: I've heard sooooo much about this brand and now I finally get to experience it for myself! Though I'm bored to tears with yet another warm universal gold/copper color, it is rather nice. I didn't use a primer to test it out and the color payoff was pretty dang good. And I didn't wet it, which is how it really shines, I guess, since it is a metallic. So I'm excited to play with it some more. Full size, 4g, is $12 so this 2g sample costs $6 (Vegan and CF)

I've come up with a $57 value this month. Holy schnikies. Ipsy hasn't had that good of a value for a while now. And I do actually like everything this month!

*That's a lie. I still care and still get pissy about it.

** I hate that I have to put this disclaimer in the post because people in general assume if you review something positively, it's because you're being paid to do it. Fucking weak.

Ipsy June 2017 Review

For those who may not know, Ipsy is a monthly subscription service. For $10, you will received 4-5 sample (sometimes full sized) makeup, hair, and skin care products along with a reusable makeup bag. Check them out here: IPSY

(I pay for this service with my own money and all opinions are my honest ones)

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This month's theme is whatever-who-fucking-cares month. The bag is really cute, though. Canvas on the outside with a nylon lining. I dig it. Let's get into the products, shall we?

Delectable Coconut and Cream Triple Moisture Body Lotion: (by Cake Beauty) I liked the lemon hand cream I got before much better than this. This is very lightweight and absorbs quickly, which is nice. But when I got my Ipsy bag, the second I opened the bubble pack I was smacked in the face with a coconut scent. The tube was still capped and sealed, nothing was broken or torn. But the scent just permeated EVERYTHING. Not very happy about that. I like coconut but dayum. Full size is 8 ounces so this 2 ounce size is valued around $3.50. (CF and Vegan)

Doucce Maxlash Volumizer Mascara (black): I can't report on this yet because I have about 5 open mascaras already. Didn't want to open this just yet. But I love trying new mascaras! Full size goes for $22 (can't seem to find the amount and a lot of mascaras hold between 7mls and 11 mls). So let's say this one is about 8mls so this travel size of 6 mls costs about $16.50 (CF)

Vasanti Cosmetics Power Oils Lip Gloss in Super Mom: Love love love this lip gloss. I'm actually a bit tired of matte lipstick (not that I will stop wearing it, of course) but with summer in full swing, it's nice to switch things up. Super pigmented, not sticky at all, long lasting, this color is gorgeous and will probably look good on almost everyone. Full sized, this gloss goes for $22 - though it's on sale right now for $19. (CF)

TheBalm Cosmetics Balm Springs Blush: I do like getting products from TheBalm. I've really enjoyed a lot of their makeup. This blush is a gorgeous neutral rosy shade. Look very natural, at least on my pasty ass skin. My only issue is the samples they use are so small they're hard to work with. Very difficult to get an even brush full of powder. Still nice though! Full size (5.5g) is $21 so this 1g sample is probably around $4. (CF)

Beauty for Real I-LINE 27-7 Eyeliner in Chocolate Fix: While I admit this color is really nice (sometimes it's hard to find a brown that's neutral or cool toned) the lasting power is for shit. Tightlined with it and within 5 minutes it was gone. It lasted a tad longer on the actual eye lids. Fucking weak. I doubt I'll be reaching for this very often. This is full sized and goes for $14. (I assume CF because the founder works with the SPCA - that'd be MAJOR hypocritical if the brands wasn't CF, yes?).

Wow, the value of this bag is around $57 (give or take a few bucks due to my mathematical prowess). That's not too shabby!

Ipsy April 2017 Review

Well, March came in like a lion this year, eh, midwesterners? Let's hope April has showers to bring May flowers and not too much more of Mother Nature's menopause specials. I don't know about the rest of you but our fence has almost been pulled out at least twice by all these wind storms!

Anyway, this post is about Ipsy. For those who may not know, Ipsy is a monthly subscription service where, for $10, you receive 4-5 sample (sometimes full) sized makeup, hair, and skin care products. Check them out for yourselves here: IPSY

I purchased this service with my own money and all opinions are my honest ones.

Have no idea what the theme is this month because I didn't bother to look at the card as it has NO useful info on it at all. Lemme go to the website. Hang on..."Sideshow". What the fuck is that supposed to mean? OMG so useless.

The bag itself is hilarious! I love the ticket shape, like what you'd get at a carnival or whatever. But the material is vinyl or something that feels like very tough stiff (*rowr*) rubber. Probably pretty durable, though. Meh. Let's get to the products.

Hikari Cosmetics Cream Pigment Eye Shadow: I believe the color is Honeydew. Looks like a frosty pink with a hint of peach behind it. It's beautiful. The texture is like a Colourpop shadow - feels like a cream but goes on like a powder. Using a brush is pretty much useless, though, unlike CP. Hardly any pigment pay off. But with a finger it's very nice. Could be used as a highlighter, too, because there's no glitter. Can't find an amount on the website for full size but I'm guessing this is a sample (because full size comes in a pot) but a decent sized sample. Let's call it half price and valued at $6.50. (CF)

Colourpop Creme Gel Pencil: You know how much I love CP. So I was excited for this product. The shade is Best O (oh my...) and is a deep burgundy. It looks kind of brown in the swatch below but on the eye it's much more reddish purple. Smooth and creamy, these are great eyeliners. HOWEVER - they are soft so break easily; I also had trouble getting the color to show up on top of the eye shadow. Had to work at it. Full size and is $5.00 (CF)

Touch in Sol No Poreblem! Primer: Interesting primer. It looks like a lotion. Feels like silicone. But once it absorbs, which it does FULLY, your skin just feels smooth and soft. It actually does look like it diminishes the appearance of pores. So cool. I only used it once but with just a translucent powder so I can't speak to it's ability to help makeup last longer. I'll let you know. Full size is $18 so this sample (the tube felt almost empty which is a bit of a rip off) is about $3. (CF)

Tried to do a quick look with the shadow and liner so forgive the messy brow powder and mascara.

Tried to do a quick look with the shadow and liner so forgive the messy brow powder and mascara.

Hanalei Aloe Soothing Gel: I do like aloe gel. Granted, this has aloe powder as it's EIGHTH ingredient but I'll still give it a shot. It does smell fresh and more like cucumbers than aloe but what the hell. Full size at 100g is $30 so this 10g sample is about $3.00 (CF)

Luxie Beauty Dreamcatcher Precision Foundation Brush 660: I am never mad at brushes. And I've received Luxie Beauty ones in the past and they are awesome. I don't use brushes for foundation but I'm sure I'll have no trouble finding another use for this one. Full size and is $23.00 (Vegan and CF)

I'm gonna round the numbers around and say this month was around a $40 value. I've had better. Think I've had worse. But I like everything in this bag AND they're all cruelty free so I'm all right with it!

ColourPop Brand Review

I've been saying I want to do a one brand review on a couple of makeup companies I've been using and loving. FINALLY got all the swatches and pictures done so I can share my thoughts in a post. This post is going to be all about ColourPop Cosmetics which, BONUS, is a cruelty free brands! This is not sponsored by ColourPop; they didn't send me anything; I purchased all the products I talk about with my own money over the past (holy crap it's only been one) year.

You might want to grab some coffee and a snack for this...

In their FAQs they say spelling color without the 'u' is so basic. That tickles me.

In their FAQs they say spelling color without the 'u' is so basic. That tickles me.

From what I understand, CP was started a few years ago by a couple of women in California. They wanted to make their own products with good ingredients, a unique formula, and affordable for pretty much anyone. Though they are considered an 'indie' brand, they exploded onto the scene a couple of years ago. I don't know who but I think it was some 'famous' YouTuber who reviewed ColourPop and the brand took off from there.

CP makes eye, cheek, and lip products and nothing is over $8 (I'm not including sets, obviously). The lippies come in all sorts of finishes and formats and the powder products are some of the most unique I've ever felt in my life. I can only describe the feel as a firm custard covered with a layer of silk. They have the give of a creme product but they go on dry like a powder. I don't know how else to describe them. You have to feel them for yourselves! They are best applied with the finger, for the highest color payoff, but can be blended or applied with a brush.

This is an eye shadow in the color Flower Shop. All the powder products come in individual pots and are stamped with the same quilted pattern.

This is an eye shadow in the color Flower Shop. All the powder products come in individual pots and are stamped with the same quilted pattern.

OMG I went to confirm the prices and I started shopping. And I bought more lip stuff but for the sake of brevity (TOO LATE) I won't include them in this post, though they are pretty and awesome. Dammit, Colourpop!

Now that I've compiled my collection into swatch pics, I'm able to share my thoughts with you. Hopefully I'll inspire a few of you to go try their products! Check them out: COLOURPOP

Let's start with the eyes and work our way down, shall we? *rowr*

I own six eye shadows from CP. To most make up folk, that's paltry. But because they come in individual containers, they're a bit of bitch to store so I don't mind having a smaller collection compared to some. All eye shadows are $5 each.

 

Swatches of each shadow. From bottom to top we have:

Puppy Love - soft light peach gold, a portion of the sales of this shadow went to an animal rescue!

LaLa - super pigmented bronze

Flower Shop - gorgeous green shade that makes me feel like a mermaid, less pigmented than the rest but can be built up

Dare - one of my favorite purple shades with hot pink and violet glitter

Party Time - my first matte shade from CP, it looks like a grey taupe mauve blend, so different from anything else I have

Roulette - soooper pigmented matte black, seriously be careful with this one.

 

I only own three gel liners and one creme liner pencil. From bottom to top they are:

Stopmer - this is my favorite, it's much creamier and easier to work with than the other two

Workout - it's hard to tell but this is a deep dark forest green

Swerve - straight up black. The darker shades are much drier and more difficult. But all of them set like a mother fucker when they dry down completely - which is super fast.

The top swatch is the gel pencil in Timber. Very smooth, creamy, and pigmented. Easy to apply BUT BE CAREFUL! It will break if you press too hard.

The eye liner pencils are $5 each and the gel liner pots are $6.

 

This is the only powder product that ever arrived broken. But I just pressed it back down and it's mostly fine. Still crumbly but the product itself is still great.

This is the only powder product that ever arrived broken. But I just pressed it back down and it's mostly fine. Still crumbly but the product itself is still great.

I actually bought two highlighters but I got rid of the gold one, Wisp (I think), because it was just a little too glittery. This one, Monster, has a gorgeous pink undertone. It is sparkly but not stripper sparkly, you know? (this is the bottom swatch in the blush swatch pic below) All highlighters and blushes cost $8 each.

 

I've got three blushes from CP. They are all soft beautiful colors that are pigmented but not straight up heavy from the first swipe. So you can build them up or keep them more sheer. I've actually already hit pan on the purple one! From bottom to top (excluding the highlighter): Birthday Suit, Cheerio, and Rain.

 

This is funny for two reasons: 1)the name of the lippy that happened to be facing me when I took the pic; 2)I have so many more lip products from them now I had to use a bigger jar.

This is funny for two reasons: 1)the name of the lippy that happened to be facing me when I took the pic; 2)I have so many more lip products from them now I had to use a bigger jar.

And now for the lips. I'm addicted to the ColourPop lippy. A few of them have disappointed but overall, they are some of my favorite lip products ever. All of the lipsticks are $5.

From top to bottom: Lumiere, Bound 1, Bound 2, Choker, She Bad - Nudes/Neutrals

From top to bottom: Lumiere, Bound 1, Bound 2, Choker, She Bad - Nudes/Neutrals

Switching things up a bit, I'm going to talk about each of the colors from top to bottom. I will also include lip swatches after each one. 

Lumiere was the first lippy I ever purchased from CP. It's a matte formula but doesn't look or feel dry. If you blot it with a tissue that will help but it's definitely not transfer proof and you might need a lip liner to go with it.

 

I accidentally bought this color twice: Bound. This is a Glossy finish and there is a slight color difference between the two. Not sure if you can tell from the pictures but the OG Bound (first pic) is a bit deeper, has a more bluish undertone than the new Bound, which is more of a baby pink. Both are pretty though!

 

Choker has become one of my favorite nudes. With a Creme finish, this color glides on so easily and is extremely comfortable to wear. It's not too warm or too cool for my skin tone and I don't look like a corpse when I wear it. Bonus!

 

This last one in the 'nude' category is She Bad, one of ColourPop's new Matte X finishes. While this formula is awesome - it's super soft with a powder like finish - the lipstick came loose during shipping so it keeps falling out of the tube. Also, I don't particularly like the shade on me. It looks yellow/orange at first application but it does become a little more pink as it dries. Not sure I'll keep this one.

 

Next up are the reds:

From top to bottom: Creature, Poison, TGIF, Out of Sync

From top to bottom: Creature, Poison, TGIF, Out of Sync

Creature is one of the original matte formulas. I love this color but it feels more drying than the others in the same formula and it is a bit patchy. So I don't really reach for this that often though red is my favorite color.

 

Another original matte lippy is Poison. It also feels really dry and it sets almost immediately. Again, not sure if I'll keep it because I just don't reach for it though the color is gorgeous.

 

Yep, another matte - TGIF. This is more of a cherry red shade but this one is a bit more comfortable to wear.

 

Last but not least is Out of Sync, a gorgeous fuscia shade. Not something I normally wear but the blue undertone is to die for! And this is also a matte finish.

 

The next set of lippies don't really fit into any color category, except the two that are purple/pink shades. I've become addicted to the odd colors (grey, blue, green) and so many companies now are offering them now. Whoop!

Top to Bottom: Bull Chic, Climax, Too Sexy, Boogie, Wet (wow - so much sexy talky...)

Top to Bottom: Bull Chic, Climax, Too Sexy, Boogie, Wet (wow - so much sexy talky...)

The last of the original matte formula is Bull Chic. It is MUCH creamier than the rest and very easy to apply but...it's not as opaque so you'll need to blot and reapply to build it up. Even then it's not THAT great but right now it's my only black lipstick so it'll do, pig. It'll do.

 

One of my new favorites is Climax. It's the reformulated matte (so it's a Matte X). It's a little patchy when applied. And don't rub your lips together too much before it sets! It'll slide all over the fucking place and look majorly patchy. But the color...HOLY BALLS it's gorgeous! A royal blue with violet. So beautiful.

 

I'm Too Sexy for my lips...This satin finish lipstick is creamy, easy to apply, and is a beautiful violet fuchsia with a blue shift. It's not on the website anymore, though, so it may be discontinued.

 

I always confuse Boogie with Too Sexy. Both have that fuchsia/blue pink tone but Boogie is a little darker AND has blue sparkles! The Satin Luxe finish is a little drier than the satin so it almost feels like a matte. Super pigmented and it definitely stains the lips so even when it wears off, you'll still have some color left behind!

 

Another favorite, because it's so different, is Wet, a pearlized finish lippy that they describe as a taupe gunmetal color. It goes on creamy so I got the matching lip liner to go with it since I'm pretty sure I couldn't find anything to match elsewhere. It can be a bit patchy but I don't care. It's not that noticeable on me.

 

The final lippies, and review segment, are devoted to the Lip Satins. These come in glass (or thick plastic) tubes and are $6 each.

Top to bottom: Lost, So Wavy, Petit Four, Marshmallow

Top to bottom: Lost, So Wavy, Petit Four, Marshmallow

The Lip Satins are a fantastic formula. Incredible lasting time and very comfortable. They remain a bit tacky so they're not quite transfer proof. They dry enough to look matte, though they aren't. Two of the ones I have have a drier mousse like texture and the others are very thin - so they get all over your teeth when you first put them on! I use a lip liner with all of these but CP only sells matching liners for two (I included them in the swatches). All CP lip liners are creamy and apply smoothly. If you fill in your lips with them they could be used on their own!

 

Lost is a gorgeous red. This is one of the thinner formulas so make sure to check your teeth!

 

So Wavy is the most awesome purple-blue I've ever seen. I think it's the ONLY one I've ever seen. This is the other one with a thin consistency so check those teeth! The purple liners I have, or were suggested by CP, have too much red in them. But I just got a blue liner from NYX that I hope will work!

 

Petit Four is a dark grey but I see some greenish undertones to it, at least on me. It's much thicker than the last two so it's not as messy! I also got the matching liner because it's such an unusual color.

 

Last, but definitely not least, is my favorite lip satin in Marshmallow. I don't know when purples starting calling to me but this is an awesome grey lavender color. A more dry moussey texture but I still use a liner.

 

Okay. That is it. WHEW! I hope some of you will go check out the ColourPop website and try a few of these products for yourselves. Trust me, it'll be worth it!

NOTE: The new lippies I got are new Ultra Glossy Lip line. I haven't worn them a lot yet, except the nude one, so I can't speak as to their lasting power. But they feel nice, not too sticky, and pretty pigmented for glosses. I had to include a couple of pics below just so you can get an idea of what they look like!

L to R: (metallic finish) Crystal Ball, Wolfie, Tight Fit; (creme) Fluff; (sheer) Fairy Floss

L to R: (metallic finish) Crystal Ball, Wolfie, Tight Fit; (creme) Fluff; (sheer) Fairy Floss

You can see the metallic finish lippies (bottom three) are bit more streaky than the others.

You can see the metallic finish lippies (bottom three) are bit more streaky than the others.