The Monkey Is In.

So be prepared. Bring a banana.

I'm a writer of horror and dark fiction. I've been doing this since 1999 and believe me when I say, it's cheaper than therapy and safer for the world at large.

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Morgue Drawer April 2020

Who wants to trash talk? And by that I mean talk about my garbage, not bad mouth and gossip about bullshit and politics.

For the newbs, this is the post where I talk about all the products I’ve used up over the past few months. AKA empties. Let’s take a look!

BEAT THAT MUG

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Colourpop Super Shock Shadow in Puppy Love: This was a limited edition shade for a fundraiser CP had. It supported dog rescue efforts so OF COURSE I had to buy it. It was a lovely, soft peach shade. Great for a simple, one-color-all-over look. I had it for years but it’s finally dried out. *WAAAAAH*

NYX Pore Filler Face Primer: This is one of those cream colored primers that blur the appearance of pores. This does work pretty well, but it can look a little dry. I probably won’t get it again.

Catrice Multi-Talent Fixing Spray: I love this stuff. It works great at sealing in my makeup, and it gives my skin a gorgeous glow (think shiny but not greasy or metallic). They have a Dewy and Glow version but I don’t think that one gives any better effect than this one. Personal choice, I guess!

So many mascaras…

Covergirl Clump Crusher: I used to love this before I went cruelty free a few years ago. But now that CG is cruelty free (HOORAY!), I bought this again. Unfortunately, it’s not as good as I remember. Doesn’t give much length or volume. It does separate the lashes nicely, but it works better if you layer it with something else.

The Balm Mad Lash: Love love love this mascara! Great at lengthening and adding volume. I usually don’t buy it because it’s $18. But as of my typing this, there’s a flash sale of 50% at the site. WHOOP! I hope that doesn’t mean they’re discontinuing it and are getting rid of stock…

Buxom Volumizing Mascara: I think this is the volumizing one. There’s no indication on the sample tube but it looks like the one on the Buxom website. It was…okay. Better as a layering mascara.

Medusa’s Makeup Witch Lash: This is great stuff. Not for volume; okay for lengthening. But if you combine it with a mascara that transfers or smudges, the Witch Lash will stop it from doing that. I don’t know how - this is not the waterproof version. It’s MAGIC. (the link goes to the Twilight Blue color because I can’t find the black one - they may not make it anymore. SON OF A BI-)

Tarte Lights Camera Lashes: One of my favorite mascaras of all time. But I only buy it on sale because $23 for a tube of mascara is fucking nuts. But Ulta has it on sale a few times a year; sometimes Tarte will run a promotion.

MY SKIN WOULD MAKE A GREAT LAMPSHADE

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Mario Badescu Rose Facial Spray: Been using this for years. Still love it.

The Ordinary Niacinamide Zinc Serum: Niacinamide is the one ingredient that’s made a visible difference in my skin care routine. It’s supposed to minimize the appearance of pores and gods damn, it really does. I’ve used this one and the Fourth Ray Beauty one (Colourpop’s skin care line). Both are equally effective. I’ve heard some YouTubers say the 10% concentration is too low for more mature skin, but I call bullshit. I only started using this last year, when I was 49 (or maybe even after I turned 50) and it worked great for me. I switch between brands because my skin does acclimate after a while, but I’ve had no issues with either CP or The Ordinary.

The Ordinary HA Moisturizer: This was just an ordinary (no pun intended) moisturizer. Didn’t do anything special. Since there’s no SPF in, I used it at night. But either way, it wasn’t all that. I’ve learned that hyaluronic acid doesn’t really do anything for my skin.

Context Vitamin C Eye Cream: I think I got this in an Ipsy bag about 100 years ago. It’s a thin, gel-like cream. It’s fine but doesn’t really DO anything. Plus it’s old so it’s gotta go.

Formula 10.0.6 Day Cream: Been using this for years. Still love it.

ELF Gentle Peeling Gel: I technically haven’t used this up but the pump broke, so I just put the product in a squeeze tube. I love peeling gels. I don’t know why, but they are really nice gentle exfoliators. This one is nice.

Pacifica Cherry Lava Purify Mask: This was a decent mask. Smelled like cherries, so it was right up my alley. But it’s gotten old and the last time I used it, it broke me out. Oh well. (Pacifica no longer makes it so I can’t, in good conscience, link you to an Amazon store that sells it for almost $30, when Pacifica sold it for around $12-15).

Formula 10.0.6 Deep Down Detox Mud Mask: I adore this mask. Clay/mud mask products work very well on my skin. If I’ve got some stubborn breakouts, I use this and almost overnight, they’re gone or on their way out. Love the smell (orange), too. But it’s gotten old, just like the Pacifica one, and broke me out last time I used it. For some reason it’s labeled as PREORDER of the Formula 10.0.6 website so…not sure what that’s about.

Look At Me Watermelon Face Mask: It’s been a while since I used this but if I remember correctly, I loved this. It smells fantastic, and my skin felt great the next day. And no breakouts! (I got this and the charcoal one through MyFaceTory subscription and they now have a store front!)

Naisture Charcoal Face Mask: I loved the feel of the cotton mask itself - very soft. I don’t think the smell was anything to write home about but my skin loved it.

SQUEAKY CLEAN

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Babyganic Baby Wipes: I used to get these at my grocery store. But they don’t carry them anymore. You can find these at a bunch of other places, though, like CVS, Meijer, Target, Kroger, Walmart. They’re ERRWHERE.

The Potion Cabinet Shower Gel in Flesh Squeezed Virgin Blood (aka Black Cherry): I love the shower gels from this Etsy store. And this smelled like tart cherry candy, actually. But the scent doesn’t linger on the skin to compete with any other scented products you might use. The gel itself is great and makes my skin feel really soft. Highly recommend any scent of theirs (right now looks like this scent is out of stock).

Beauty of Joseon Cleansing Balm: I got this is my Daebak box and though it’s a sample, I got two uses out of it. The first time was great but the second, when I really worked it on my eye makeup, I woke up the next day with crusty itchy eyes. This is the 3rd or 4th balm that’s done that so I’m officially never using cleansing balms again. It does work at taking off makeup, though, so if you enjoy these kinds of products, I would recommend it!

The Body Shop Tea Tree Facial Wash: I love to use this as my cleanser at night. I enjoy the scent of tea tree oil, and it is rather strong in this product, so keep that in mind if you want to try it. It works great with my skin.

The Body Shop Aloe Calming Cream Cleanser: I use this in the morning. It’s a very gentle cream cleanser. It’s nothing too extraordinary but it gets the job done.

GEE, YOUR HAIR SMELLS TERRIFIC

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Hask Argan Oil Dry Shampoo: I’ve tried almost all of the Hask dry shampoos and I think this one is my favorite. Smells great, doesn’t create too much white cast in the hair (unless you go balls to the wall spraying it), good job at decreasing the look of oil in your hair. And OF COURSE it’s no longer sold at Hask or other retails. MOTHER FUC-

Raw Sugar Texture Dry Shampoo in Coconut and Maqui Berry scent: I have the Raw Boost cream that works wonders on my hair, keeping it smooth. So I wanted to try something else. This dry shampoo….doesn’t really do anything. Doesn’t really add that much texture, either. But it smells fantastic!

Giovanni 2Chic Blackberry and Coconut Oil Hair Oil Serum: I love this stuff. It’s a little harder to find in stores now, but you can still get it at the Giovanni website. This is like a cross between a gel and an oil, not too thin, not too thick. Great at controlling frizz, and smoothing out waves or curls. Smells amazeballs, too!

EvolvH Smart Volume Leave In Conditioner: I got this YEARS ago, maybe in a Petite Vour bag? Not sure, but I was nervous to use it because this kind of thing usually leaves my hair weighed down and looking greasy. In fact, I said that in the initial unboxing and the company actually replied on my post, guaranteeing the product wouldn’t do that. And I’ll be damned if they weren’t right. This was really nice for my hair. And now that I’ve been bleaching my hair for a while, I might look into purchasing a full bottle.

Raw Sugar Boost (not pictured): I grabbed a bottle of this at Meijer on a whim. This stuff is awesome! It keeps my hair frizz to a minimum; helps the waves/curls keep their shape as my hair dries, too. It’s so nice. Looks like it only comes in the small size, which is fine because mine lasted for months (to be fair - I only wash my hair 1-2x a week and only use this when my hair is still wet).

DEBRIS

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Tom’s of Main Rapid Relief Sensitive Toothpaste: My go to for toothpaste. I did actually go a week or two without using it, just to make sure it was actually working. Holy shit, my teeth hurt so much before I went back. GAH. Will continue to purchase and use this product.

Mitchum Women Stick Deoderant: Love this stuff. Works great. Smells great. Is great. This was the gel form, but I prefer the solid stick. Both work well, but the gel takes a while to dry down and it still leaves white marks on your clothes if you’re not careful.

Cake Beauty Ultra-Nourishing Hand Cream: Again, not available from Cake Beauty anymore, so I just linked to their general hand cream page. This stuff was awesome. Absorbed fast, made my skin feel great, and smelled like lemon cake. Aaahhh….But this stuff is really old and started to smell kinda funky.

All righty. We’ve reached the bottom of the bin. Hope some of this was helpful, if you’re looking for recommendations. Until next time!

Ipsy April 2017 Review

Well, March came in like a lion this year, eh, midwesterners? Let's hope April has showers to bring May flowers and not too much more of Mother Nature's menopause specials. I don't know about the rest of you but our fence has almost been pulled out at least twice by all these wind storms!

Anyway, this post is about Ipsy. For those who may not know, Ipsy is a monthly subscription service where, for $10, you receive 4-5 sample (sometimes full) sized makeup, hair, and skin care products. Check them out for yourselves here: IPSY

I purchased this service with my own money and all opinions are my honest ones.

Have no idea what the theme is this month because I didn't bother to look at the card as it has NO useful info on it at all. Lemme go to the website. Hang on..."Sideshow". What the fuck is that supposed to mean? OMG so useless.

The bag itself is hilarious! I love the ticket shape, like what you'd get at a carnival or whatever. But the material is vinyl or something that feels like very tough stiff (*rowr*) rubber. Probably pretty durable, though. Meh. Let's get to the products.

Hikari Cosmetics Cream Pigment Eye Shadow: I believe the color is Honeydew. Looks like a frosty pink with a hint of peach behind it. It's beautiful. The texture is like a Colourpop shadow - feels like a cream but goes on like a powder. Using a brush is pretty much useless, though, unlike CP. Hardly any pigment pay off. But with a finger it's very nice. Could be used as a highlighter, too, because there's no glitter. Can't find an amount on the website for full size but I'm guessing this is a sample (because full size comes in a pot) but a decent sized sample. Let's call it half price and valued at $6.50. (CF)

Colourpop Creme Gel Pencil: You know how much I love CP. So I was excited for this product. The shade is Best O (oh my...) and is a deep burgundy. It looks kind of brown in the swatch below but on the eye it's much more reddish purple. Smooth and creamy, these are great eyeliners. HOWEVER - they are soft so break easily; I also had trouble getting the color to show up on top of the eye shadow. Had to work at it. Full size and is $5.00 (CF)

Touch in Sol No Poreblem! Primer: Interesting primer. It looks like a lotion. Feels like silicone. But once it absorbs, which it does FULLY, your skin just feels smooth and soft. It actually does look like it diminishes the appearance of pores. So cool. I only used it once but with just a translucent powder so I can't speak to it's ability to help makeup last longer. I'll let you know. Full size is $18 so this sample (the tube felt almost empty which is a bit of a rip off) is about $3. (CF)

Tried to do a quick look with the shadow and liner so forgive the messy brow powder and mascara.

Tried to do a quick look with the shadow and liner so forgive the messy brow powder and mascara.

Hanalei Aloe Soothing Gel: I do like aloe gel. Granted, this has aloe powder as it's EIGHTH ingredient but I'll still give it a shot. It does smell fresh and more like cucumbers than aloe but what the hell. Full size at 100g is $30 so this 10g sample is about $3.00 (CF)

Luxie Beauty Dreamcatcher Precision Foundation Brush 660: I am never mad at brushes. And I've received Luxie Beauty ones in the past and they are awesome. I don't use brushes for foundation but I'm sure I'll have no trouble finding another use for this one. Full size and is $23.00 (Vegan and CF)

I'm gonna round the numbers around and say this month was around a $40 value. I've had better. Think I've had worse. But I like everything in this bag AND they're all cruelty free so I'm all right with it!