The Monkey Is In.

So be prepared. Bring a banana.

I'm a writer of horror and dark fiction. I've been doing this since 1999 and believe me when I say, it's cheaper than therapy and safer for the world at large.

Filtering by Tag: Skin Food

PDs, MEHs, and GFYs May 2016

For you newbs, here's a quick explanation of this series of posts. Most YouTubers or Bloggers do something like Monthly Favorites or Hits and Misses every month. As I don't use up or go through stuff all that quickly, my post will show up every couple of months. So here you will find the products that are Pantry Droppers (the good), Meh (the average), and Go Fuck Yourselves (the shitty).

Below find the latest for May of 2016. (Again - I don't know the cruelty free status of most of the Korean brands. If I do, I will note it.)

 

PDs

Shara Shara Banana Honey Lotion: Sweet baby Jeebus this lotion is phenomenal. I got it in a Meme box years ago and it took a long time to get through it all. Smells just like banana cream pie (if you're into that sort of thing...which I am) and it made my skin so soft. It's in new packaging now but Amazon has it!

Nourish Organic Body Oil Mist: As this is a sample, it's not a mist format so it's a little messier to deal with but it's awesome. It doesn't smell like roses - more like just the rose hips, which is a little grassier than floral. Not a strong scent so that's fine with me. Loved using this after the shower. Will have to buy the full size. NO is cruelty free.

Promise Organic Argan Creme Face Lotion: I just talked about this in my Morgue Drawer but it needs to be discussed again, it's that nice. Non-greasy, fast absorbing, smells like oranges. Because it doesn't have SPF I used it as a night cream. As soon as I get through the stuff I have now, I'm buying more of this. PO is cruelty free.

Milani Moisture Lock Lip Treatment: I have the Rose scented one and I love it. It has a soft pink color in the tube but it's just clear oil/gloss on the lips. This is so moisturizing and lasts a  surprisingly long time on the lips. Most oils would wear off relatively fast but this likes to hang around for a while. I want to try all the other scents/flavors, too. Milani is cruelty free.

Dermal Sea Cucumber Supreme Mask: This really made my skin feel hydrated after using it. Probably because it's so saturated with essence that it was dripping all over me until I blotted it with a towel!

Leaders Black Aqua Pore Scaling mask: This was amazing! It tingled a bit when I wore it but not in a burning kind of way. The material was thick and super soft. My skin felt better after using it (it's for dry skin so I guess it's got extra moisturizers or something). See below for an amusing visual.

3W Fresh Syn-ake mask: Very nice and moisturizing but again, the 3W mask holes do not fit my face.

Mehron Paint Palette: I got this for a specific cosplay at Motor City Comic Con but it will be great for any other face/body painting I need to do. I practiced my make up several times before the actual costume day and I barely made a dent in these paints! They're water activated and once they dry, they really don't budge - unless you sweat or get spit upon or the natural oils of your skin start to break it down over time. I need to invest in some sealant!

Glamtech empty palette: I found this place on Etsy. I had a few single shadows/highlighters that had no home (along with a bunch of singles I depotted to clear up the clutter in my drawers....ewww...). This store will customize a palette for you! No more boring plain black or lame ass chevron patterns for you! You can choose from a bunch of different colors and designs. The top is held on by very strong magnets and they don't let go. I store mine upright in a desk letter organizer. I have since purchased another so I have this red bats one and a purple skeleton cameo palette. Awesome!

 

MEHs

Derma e Hydrating Night Creme: I used to love this stuff. But for some reason it decided it wanted to break up and it's moisturizing capabilities have left me high and dry (or at least dry). I can't even finish this jar because it feels like it's sucking the life out of my skin.

Essence Gel eyeliner: I used to really love this stuff, too. And when I first open the jar, it IS fantastic. But within a few weeks the gel starts to dry out. It gets harder and harder (that's what she said) to work with and crumbles all over the place. Maybe if I used it every day I'd get through it before it goes all Sahara.

Skinfood Mascara: It says setting mascara but the card from the 3B box this came in said it's used just like a regular mascara. It does makes my lashes look beautiful and long but it smudges all under my eyes by the end of the day. Maybe it doesn't do that on people whose eyelids are insured by Exxon.

 

GFYs

Simple Micellar make-up wipes: Pretty much exactly like their liquid format - useless and burny. Does not get off all makeup and hurt like fuck around the eyes. Simple is not cruelty free.

3W Clinic Collagen Serum: I tried to use this for about 2 weeks. I know skin can go into rebel mode when introduced to new things but even after an adjustment period, it kept breaking me out. Ugh.

Benton Snail Bee Steam Cream: Sticky, smelly face cream did absolutely nothing for me. Except give me big zits. So apparently Team Bee Snail is a shitty idea.

Secret Key toner: This felt like straight alcohol on my skin. Very drying and, naturally, irritated and broke out my skin. 

Maybelline Color Tattoo cream eye shadow: Completely useless. I thought it worked as a decent base but I thought wrong. It also dried up really fast. Maybelline is not cruelty free. Ass hats.

L'Oreal Revitalift Miracle Blur: I think this was a face primer but it didn't blur anything, felt greasy, and then balled up when I put foundation on over it. What the hell? L'Oreal isn't cruelty free anyway so no big loss there.

Palladio Flat brush: Not sure exactly when I bought this but I was a fucking idiot at the time and even more of a fucking idiot for keeping it this long. It's rough and prickly as fuck, like using a cactus to put on my eye makeup. Palladio is not cruelty free which is pretty obvious from this brush - if they don't give a rat's ass about the comfort of their customers, they sure as shit don't give a flying fuck about animals.

Okay that'll do it for now. Come back in a couple months to see what else had made me drop my drawers, shrug non-committally, or pissed me off so bad I had to go beat up a random hobo.

3B March 2016 Beauty Box

Okay, yes. I had the wrong month on the last review. For some reason I thought I missed one but apparently, I didn't. So last month was February and THIS month is March.

Glad we cleared that up.

3B is a monthly beauty subscription box. For $12 a month you get 4-5 samples/full sized Asian beauty, hair, skin products. Click on the link to get one for yourself!

Dermal Dream Sea Cucumber mask: You know I love face masks. I'm very excited to try this out. Apparently this brand, and this particular mask, are INFAMOUS in Korea. La dee dah! (sorry can't find a link for it)

Skinfood My Shortcake mascara: I also love trying different mascaras. This one is supposed to thicken, lengthen (soooo dirty...), and darken my lashes. It also dries quickly and is smudgeproof. My oily eyelids accept that challenge! Full size and it goes for about $7 on Amazon.

Secret Key Witch Hazel toner: I've used straight up witch hazel as a toner before so this is cool. But I think there's added fragrance in here because it doesn't smell as...earthy as regular witch hazel. This is full size and runs around $29!

CosRx Blackhead Silk Finger Balls: My word there's a lot of dirty innuendo in this post. These are little hard (hooo boy) cotton pods that go on your fingers. You soak them in hot water for a couple of minutes then "massage the desired area (wow) with the softened pod". And as I post the picture below, I can't help but notice a slight pornographic nature in it. You can get 2-3 uses from each one. A set of 12 (which is what I believe I got) costs around $5.

I can't even...

Just those three products I could find on-line are valued at about $41. Nice! You guys should get this service, too. Then we can all be dirty together.

March Morgue Drawer

It's been EXACTLY 2 months since I posted my last MD. Way to keep on schedule, Monkey. WOOHOO!

 

BEAT THAT MUG

Top Picture:

Mario Badescu Facial Spray - I use this stuff every morning after I wash my face but before I put on my moisturizer. It smells like roses and makes my skin feel soft. I'll mist this on during the day, too, if I want a little refresher. Already repurchased.

Chapstick Hydration Lock Day/Night - the day side, with SPF, was actually drying. Did not like at all. The night side was much better but I accidentally smooshed it before I could finish it up. Oh well.

Peter Thomas Roth Oilless Oil - Um, feels like oil to me, pal. Nice, light, worked as a good extra layer of moisture under my night cream. Not sure I'd use it in the summer though.

H2O+ Micro Collagen Moisturizer - felt soft, like a silicone primer, but my skin still felt tight and dry. Had to double up or use an oil underneath.

Be a Bombshell Lip Balm - LOVED this stuff. Very smooth and soft. Lasted on my lips for a long time.

Advanced Snail 96 Essence - I can't tell if this serum did anything but I liked the texture of it. Felt like a thin gel, not an oil. My skin did look nice but who knows if this alone was responsible.

Sephora Rose Eye Mask - It felt nice. Didn't really see a difference in my under eye though.

3W Clinic Masks - The Aloe mask felt super soft. Didn't feel like it did much, though. The Snail mask was dry as hell. The Milk mask was nice and my skin felt very moisturized after. (I linked the Aloe one but you can search for the others from there)

Missha Eye Patch - Technically, there were two. It actually burned a little. My skin felt dry after I took them off.

Hada Labo Anti Aging Mask - very nice mask, super saturated with essence. My skin felt really nice after. But anti aging? *shrugs*

Bottom Picture:

CVS Oil Free Eye Makeup Remover (dupe for Neutrogena brand)- meh. Does an okay job but it stung a little.

Nip+Fab Exfoliating Facial Pads - Loved these. Smell is good, soft and light. And they're not rough. The exfoliating comes from the glycolic acid, I believe. It did feel like there was a film on my skin but more of a protective one as opposed to that unclean feeling. Kinda cool.

Vasanti Enzymatic Face Cleanser - nice cleanser but way too harsh for my skin. It actually created bumps on my face. Not cool.

Simple Cleansing Micellar Water - meh. Does an okay job but it doesn't remove all makeup. It stings a bit on the eyes, too.

Montagne Jeunesse Cucumber Peel Off Mask - I've tried a bunch from this brand and this was just okay. The smell is super strong and I didn't see or feel any difference in my skin.

Skin Food 3-Step System - Egg White Pore Foam was a great cleanser. The Water Berry Serum felt super light and smelled great! The Miracle 10 Cream has a nice floral scent, moisturized very well, and it lasted all night. A great trio face care system.

 

DOES A BODY GOOD (OR NOT)

Top Picture:

Mitchell and Peach Body Cream - nice light cream, absorbs well. Smells TERRIBLE.

Albertini International Divine Skin Hydrator - this is  the first in-shower moisturizer I ever used. Loved it! Doesn't leave the shower too slippery and the moisture lasted all day.

Etude House "My Castle" Rose Hand Cream - AWESOME AWESOME! This is a nice thick hand cream. Very moisturizing and it smells just like fresh cut roses. I have a lot of good luck with Etude House products.

La Vanilla Body Butter - I think I talked about this in a PD/MEH/GFY post. The cream is nice but the smell is so artificial and kind of sickening. Their perfume is awesome but this stuff sucks.

NSpa Coconut Body Butter - the smell is very artificial but the cream itself is fantastic. My skin felt soft all day.

Schick Hydro Razor - the moisture strip surrounding the blades wears out really fast but it's still a decent razor.

Bottom Picture:

Bath and Body Works Vampire Blood Foaming Soap - I've kind of fallen in love with foaming hand soaps. Smells like plums but it's very sweet - might be off putting to some. (this was a limited edition Halloween scent but the link will take you to the rest of their foaming soaps)

Caress Body Wash - these are good body washes. This scent is very strong but it didn't seem overpowering.

Marc Anthony Oil of Morocco Hair Spray - at this point, I will never buy another hair spray besides this one. Light hold, smells fantastic. This is my 2nd or 3rd travel size. I get the full sized can, too.

Oil of Olay Body Wash - this was very nice. Soft scent and really hydrated my skin.

Bath and Body Works Sensual Body Wash - LOOOOOOOOVE this scent. I have another bottle just waiting for me.

 

Okay. That should do it for this installment. Tune in mid May (probably AFTER Comic Con) for the continuing saga of shit I've used up...