The Monkey Is In.

So be prepared. Bring a banana.

I'm a writer of horror and dark fiction. I've been doing this since 1999 and believe me when I say, it's cheaper than therapy and safer for the world at large.

Morgue Drawer May 2016

And again with keeping on time, though I guess technically I should have posted this a few days ago. But I was at Motor City Comic Con with my writing group so GET OFF MY BACK!

Anyway...let's get to it, shall we?

(Side note: I'm unsure about the cruelty free status of most of the Korean brands. If I know for sure, I'll mention it. Eventually I'll get to the point where I'll just mark CF or NCF but let's ease into that later.)


Neutrogena Oil-Free Moisture face lotion: I've used this stuff for years. Nice and lightweight, can put on two layers to get some extra moisturizing, and it's got SPF 15. Unfortunately, Neutrogena is NOT cruelty free so I've got to find an alternative.

Promise Organic Argan Creme face lotion: Speaking of alternatives, this would be a great one. Moisturizes very well without that greasy shiny look/feel that the Neutrogena one can give. And it smells like fresh oranges. This brand IS cruelty free but it doesn't have SPF. I like my face lotion to have sunscreen because I don't always wear makeup so I can't rely on that for sun protection.

Etude House Wonder Pore toner: Not sure this did anything. It didn't over dry my skin or make it break out but did it do anything else? *shrug*

Dr. Brandt PoreDermabrasion: Absolutely TERRIBLE stuff. The scrub was way too harsh and it actually caused two HUGE break outs on my chin. I'm also pretty sure this brand is NOT cruelty free so Dr. Brandt can just go fuck off.

Too Cool For School Egg Mellow Cream: I have a few more sample packs to use up so I'll get a better idea how this works. Initial trial worked well. Nice, thick cream that's very moisturizing. I'm excited to try the rest.

Sephora Lingzhi eye mask: Not really sure if this anti-aged or smoothed anything but my skin felt nice afterwards. Unfortunately, Sephora is not cruelty free so I won't be purchasing anything else from their line. (Note: when I went to find the link, this particular eye mask was no longer available - shocked, I tell you.)

3W Clinic Royal Jelly mask: Super saturated mask. My skin felt great after using it but the cut outs (for eyes, nose, etc.) do not fit my face well at all. It's kind of annoying. I don't want the essence...DEAR GODS IT'S ON MY EYEBALL!!

Botanic Farm Rice mask: This was an awesome cotton mask. Very saturated and the material was super soft. The cut outs fit so much better on my face than the 3W. Really enjoyed this one. (Note: as of the time I'm typing this, the only place I can find that sells this is Meme Box and they're currently sold out.)



Hask Thickening Conditioner: Very nice. Smells softly of mint, not overpowering or sweet. Don't think it thickened my hair, though. Waiting to finish the shampoo and move on to another Hask product. This brand is cruelty free.

L'Oreal Total Repair 5 Conditioner: It's okay. I used it when I was coloring my hair and it was all frizzy and dry. Meh. L'Oreal is not cruelty free.

Batiste Dry Shampoo: The Fresh scent is better than the others I've tried but it can still be a little overpowering. There's a lot of mixed info out there about this brand, though their parent company tests on animals. As there are a ton of CF alternatives I haven't tried yet, I'll probably work through my current can and move on to something else afterwards.

Smashbox Full Exposure mascara: I really liked this mascara for volume. It was also really great to layer with other mascaras that didn't thicken lashes very well. Smashbox is not CF, though, so I'll never buy this brand (this was a sample I got in Ipsy, I think).

Maybelline Define-A-Lash mascara: Really great at separating lashes and defining them (go figure). But you could never build it up - it just got clumpy, even if layered with another mascara. Maybelline is not CF.

Covergirl Clump Crusher mascara: This was a fantastic mascara. Great at separating lashes and giving a bit of length and volume. Never clumped up even with multiple layers. Covergirl is not CF.



Nivea In-Shower lotion: Awesome, awesome stuff. Smells nice and the softness lasted on my skin all day. Unfortunately, Nivea is not CF.

Nivea Kiss of...lip balms: These have been some of my favorite balms. I didn't like the cherry or SPF one but these two are phenomenal. Makes me so sad that Nivea isn't CF. 

Marlowe body lotion: This is an okay moisturizer but the scent is heavy on the herbal side which I didn't care for. This brand is cruelty free, though!

Revo lip balm: It was all right. I've had a few others and this one probably had the best scent/flavor. But it's really waxy and doesn't last long on the lips. Because this is a Walgreens brand, it's not CF.



Bath and Body Works foaming hand soap: Most of their scents are spot on for me. Rainkissed Leaves was clean and fresh, not too heavy; Coastal Water Lily was too strong (but lilies can be very heady); the Kitchen Lemon is the best. Unfortunately, BBW sells their products in China so even though they are CF here in the US, they are basically supporting animal testing elsewhere. Honestly, though, if I can't find another soap/candle/body wash brand that works for me, I will probably continue to purchase these few things from them.

Sally Hansen spray on hair remover: This stuff has an overpowering smell, as do most depilatories. But I like the convenience of a spray on. It works pretty well on thick coarse hair (read: bikini line) but I still need to use a wash cloth to help remove the foam/hair (even though you're supposed to be able to just rinse it off). Sally Hansen isn't cruelty free.


Okay. That covers the last couple of months. Tune in around mid-July for the next installment!