The Monkey Is In.

So be prepared. Bring a banana.

I'm a writer of horror and dark fiction. I've been doing this since 1999 and believe me when I say, it's cheaper than therapy and safer for the world at large.

Ipsy July 2016 Review

Damn this summer is flying by. How are we already at the end of July? This blows. (that just sounded like the lamest country song lyric ever)

Anyway, for those who don't know, Ipsy is a monthly subscription service. For $10, you get 4-5 sample (sometimes full) sized makeup, hair, and skin care products in a reusable bag. Check them out for yourself here: IPSY

(Reminder: anything Cruelty Free I will mark as CF. I also pay for this with my own money and all opinions are my honest ones.)

This month's theme is Hot Summer Nights. Whatever. The bag is a holographic color with what look like beach umbrellas. Yeah, into the donation pile it goes. But the products inside are pretty good!

Delectable hand cream by Cake Beauty: This is a full sized tube of some very nice hand cream. It's not greasy and it absorbs well. Plus is smells like lemon meringue pie. Um, yes please! Nice independent beauty company from Canada so thanks, northern neighbors! You can get it at target for $5.50. (CF)

Luxie Beauty Small Angled Eye Brush: As I've said before, I'm never mad at getting a brush. And this one is actually perfect for brow powder products. I'm not that good at filling in my brows but with this brush, it makes it super easy and they end up looking natural. This is full size and goes for about $10. (CF)

The Balm "Meet Matt(e)Trimony Eye shadow: I've received another eye shadow from The Balm before and it was very pretty but I think I like this one better. A deep plum matte (obvi) shade, called Matt Moskowitz, it's easy to keep it soft or build it up to a more intense shade. This sample is .5g and costs somewhere around $3.5 [the full palette, with nine 2.4g pans, runs $42.00] (CF)

Ofra Lip Liner: I've never tried Ofra cosmetics before but I've heard a great deal of hype around them. I got this liner in the color Silk and it's a perfect nude on me. It's just a hair lighter than my natural lip color. It's drier than a popcorn fart but that works in its favor because this shit doesn't come off very easily. Even after eating something slippery - LIKE PEANUT BUTTER, YOU PERVS. This is full size and goes for $13. (CF)

Elizabeth Mott Show Me Your Cheeks Blush: Absolutely gorgeous shade for a blush - at least for lighter skin tones. It was hard to build up a swatch on my arm so I'm not sure how easy it would show up on someone darker. Which is everyone, basically. It's called Peach Pink and there's no better way to describe it. The peach is the main color but there's a soft pink undertone to it. It's hard to see in the swatch because it's so light but it looks like a natural flush on the skin with a hint of sheen. Full size is 5g for $23 so this 2.5g sample will run around $11.50. (CF)

The value of this bag is about $43.50 and I'm happy about all of it. Except the bag and the theme but that's not unusual. Good month and all the companies are cruelty free! Score!