The Monkey Is In.

So be prepared. Bring a banana.

I'm a writer of horror and dark fiction. I've been doing this since 1999 and believe me when I say, it's cheaper than therapy and safer for the world at large.

Filtering by Tag: cookies

Universal Yums August 2018

Sorry I missed out on July, folks. The weeks just got away from me and I never got a chance to write up a review.

For those who don’t know, Universal Yums is a food subscription service. For $14, $25, or $39 a month, you get 6+, 12+, or 20+ snacks and candy from a different country. Check them out here: UNIVERSAL YUMS

(I purchase this with my own money and all opinions are my honest ones)

August brings us goodies from the UK! Here’s some trivia for you (answer at the end of the post.) True or False: Another name for the UK is Great Britain.

20180822_175532.jpg


I have tried everything in the box this month but I didn’t I got close ups of each snack. Sorry about that!

Mackie’s Sea Salt and Cider Vinegar Chips: I think these are more like those composite potato chips - they definitely have that texture. The initial taste of vinegar is good, but it disappears in about 1.7 seconds, leaving you with a boring potato. Meh.

20180824_121317.jpg

Dean’s of Huntly All Butter Minis Chocolate Chip Shortbread: Holy cats and dogs this stuff is awesome. But, really, how can shortbread ever be NOT good? These have a great, crumbly texture and fantastic flavor. The chocolate chips are few and far between, but this shortbread doesn’t need them anyway.

Walkers Nonsuch Dreamy Creamy English Toffee Bar: Toffee usually makes me think of the hard, crunchy variety we get here. This stuff is a bit different. The notched squares are stuck together in one bar but after you slam it against a hard surface, it breaks apart into individual servings. THEN they actually soften up in your mouth (oh geez) and become chewy. So damned delicious.

Johnny’s Pickled Onion Rings Corn Snack: Where the vinegar chips fail in tang, these make up for it in spades. It’s almost a little overpowering, to be honest. But that didn’t stop me from eating 5 or 6 in a row. They’re kinda like Funyons, but with less crunch, and definitely more sour.

Wagon Wheel Jammie-Chocolate Covered Marshmallow Cookie with Raspberry Jam: Gah, that’s a lot. I was so excited for this one. I’ve heard the term jammie thrown around in British television and movies, but never really knew what the hell it was. Now I know. And I have to say…I’m underwhelmed. The cookies were hard and dry, the jam barely there, the chocolate was not very flavorful, and the marshmallow was okay. Sorry, UK. You can keep this one.

Mackie’s Haggis and Black Pepper Chips (contains no meat): I love that they have to include that disclaimer…Like the sea salt and vinegar, these chips BARELY have that haggis flavor. I tasted mostly pepper, then potato. Some of you may think this is good, but haggis actually isn’t that bad. Yes, I’ve had the real deal in Scotland.

In the Yum Bag (a small plastic bag holding all the tiny stuff,) we got three things:

Kir Royal Chews Blackcurrant and Champagne candies (contains no alcohol): These were AWESOME. Not sure I could taste the champagne (which is why they were good,) but the blackcurrant was nice. The candies are soft and chewy.

Stockley’s Chocolate Limes (lime candies filled with chocolate): These were wonderful. Hard candy filled with a soft chocolate center. Anyone who thinks citrus and chocolate don’t go together needs to try one of these. So good!

20180824_121244.jpg

Prosecco Fudge (sparkling wine flavored fudge - contains no alcohol): These tasted like a butter based vanilla fudge but with something…different. That was probably the prosecco, which I’ve never had and wouldn’t know it if it was poured down my pants. Loved the texture and flavor on these.

20180824_121303.jpg

That does it for this month. Overall, pretty decent selection! The clue for next month has us baffled. It’s probably someplace in Asia, but we can’t really figure out exactly where. Can’t wait to find out!

TRIVIA ANSWER: FALSE. Though it’s a common mistake, these two names aren’t actually interchangeable. The United Kingdom and Great Britain are two different entities: the UK includes England, Scotland, Wales, and Northern Ireland, while Great Britain includes only England, Scotland, and Wales.

Universal Yums December 2016

Already 2017, huh? Well let's hang on to that bitch 2016 for just a moment longer, shall we? December brought us a little taste of Germany from Universal Yums. In case you don't know, UY is a monthly subscription service. For $13 (or $25) each month you'll get snacks and candy from a different country. It's actually a lot of fun! Check them out here: UNIVERSAL YUMS

I pay for this service with my own money and all opinions are my honest ones.

TRIVIA: In Germany, you're not breaking the law if you: A.Refuse to pay taxes; B.Escape from jail; C.Drink and drive; D.Smoke in a public place (answer at the end of the post)

Lorenz Curly Peanuts: These aren't actual peanuts. It's another one of those puffy corn snacks but they taste like straight up fresh peanuts. I have no idea how these countries can make corn taste so much like other stuff but it amazes me every time. Very tasty!

Leibniz Butterkeks: These are supposed to be shortbread cookies and they look pretty dang delicious. 

Sallos Black Licorice Candy with Herbs: I LOATHE black licorice. But the little card assures me that with the addition of herbs into this little candy, the black licorice flavor is muted and quite pleasant. Personally I don't believe them but I'm willing to give it a shot. Someday. Maybe.

Milka Oreo Chocolate Bar: This treat will be here in the US this month but it's already out in Germany. Not sure how to feel about this so I haven't tried it yet. It's basically Oreo filling with cookie bits inside covered in chocolate. I suppose for those whose favorite part of an Oreo is the filling will enjoy these most.

Dr. Quendt Russich Brot: I was excited for these alphabet cookies but I have to say I'm a bit disappointed. They basically taste like fortune cookies with a little bit of caramel flavored icing on top. Kinda lame actually.

Schluckwerder Marzipan: I've never tried marzipan before so I was most excited for this. Many people say it's the same as basic almond paste but I think marzipan is A LOT sweeter. I personally loved this. The thin chocolate coating didn't really add anything to the awesome almond flavor of this little candy. I need more of this in my life!

Ahoj-Brause Cola Bonbons: Not sure why these are called bon bons as they're just hard candy. But I swear to gods they taste just like cola! There's a fizzy center which is supposed to be like the carbonation but it's not that great. Zots do it better. But the flavor is awesome!

BONUS: Riegelein Chocolate Santa: Great smooth milk chocolate candy. Apparently Riegelein is famous in Europe for its chocolate and I can taste why!

Very nice way to end 2016. According to the clue, we think January's box will be Russia!

TRIVIA: B. Escaping from jail isn't considered a crime in Germany as Germans consider it a basic human instinct to want to be free. (is it me or is that little ironic?)