The Monkey Is In.

So be prepared. Bring a banana.

I'm a writer of horror and dark fiction. I've been doing this since 1999 and believe me when I say, it's cheaper than therapy and safer for the world at large.

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Universal Yums April 2017 Review

Sorry this one is a bit later than the last. I just now tried the final goody in the box (wow. just...wow) so I can review everything. For those who don't know, Universal Yums is a subscription service. For $14 or $25 you get a box filled with candy and snacks from a different country. Check them out here: UY

I purchase this service with my own money and all opinions are my honest ones.

April brings us AUSTRIA! Here's some trivia (answer at the end of the post): Austria is home to the oldest __________ in the world, which opened in 803 A.D.? A. Opera Theater; B. Shopping Mall; C. Chocolate factory; D. Restaurant

There's only one savory treat this month so let's get that over with.

Kelly's American Pizza Rolls: No, they aren't like the kind you get in the freezer. They're little hollowed out tubes of corn snack made to taste like pizza. Which they don't. They basically taste like little salt licks. Ugh.

The rest are all chocolate or, at the very least, nice and sweet!

Sissi Taler: Sissi was Bavarian royalty who ended up marrying Austrian Emperor Franz Joseph. Long story short she had this candy named after her. Filled with apricot marzipan and covered in chocolate, it is a unique flavor to be sure. I gobbled it up in about half a minute.

Heindl Mozartkugel: This confection was named after Mozart because at the time, companies named their stuff after famous people in the region. Though I imagine if he did eat sweets, these would be at the top of the Liszt (sorry, couldn't help it). Pistachio marzipan, covered in nougat, dipped in dark chocolate. HOLY FUCK. It's awesome.

Auer Tortenecken Apfelstrudel: Basically this is like those sugar wafer cookies (the chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry ones, remember those?) but it tastes like apple strudel. I shit you not. Super sweet, the cream filling tastes like apples and cinnamon. It's awesome.

Pischinger Haselnuss Riegel: Another wafer treat, this is chocolate and hazelnut. It's pretty dang good.

Pischinger Mandel Ecke: Yet another wafer cookie, this is supposed to mimic the corner piece, and most coveted slice, of Pischinger's famous torte cake. This is filled with almond creme and covered in chocolate. It's phenomenal!

Blascke Coconut Macaroons: Apparently this is the first time this sweet has been available in the US. I can kinda understand why they'd want to keep this one close. It's light and chewy, great coconut flavor. Nice treat with tea!

Except for those nasty pizza monstrosities, this was a great box. Not quite as good as Poland (which has topped all others in the chocolate department for me so far) but a close second. Next month's clue tells us we'll be seeing goodies from Japan!

TRIVIA ANSWER: D. Austria is home to the oldest restaurant in the world, Stifskeller St. Peter, which is housed inside St. Peter's Monastery in Salzburg. Both Christopher Columbus and Mozart have eaten there.