The Monkey Is In.

So be prepared. Bring a banana.

I'm a writer of horror and dark fiction. I've been doing this since 1999 and believe me when I say, it's cheaper than therapy and safer for the world at large.

Universal Yums June 2017 Review

For those who may not know, Universal Yums is a monthly subscription service. For $14 or $25 each month you get 6+ or 12+ snacks in every box from a different country. Check them out for yourselves: UNIVERSAL YUMS

(I purchase this service with my own money and all opinions are my honest ones)

June's box comes from MEXICO. Here's some trivia for you (answer at the end of the post): Pedro Lascurain, the 34th president of Mexico, had the shortest term in office ever. He was president for: A. 5 minutes; B. 1 hour; C. 2 days; D. 1 week

Reading the little description booklet I was super excited about this month. However, after tasting everything, I have to say this has probably been my least favorite snack box. *shrug* What are you gonna do?

Barcel Habanero Potato Chips: FUCK ME SIDEWAYS. GODS DAMNED MOTHER FUCKING HABANERO BITE MY ASS, YOU DICK.

Bubu Lubu: There are only 3 ingredients in this - chocolate, strawberry, and marshmallow. Apparently the best way to eat this confection is frozen. I tried it straight out of the box first and it was kind of gross. The chocolate tastes cheap and the strawberry puree was gritty. AFTER putting it in the freezer it was much better. The marshmallow becomes more like taffy, the strawberry is smooth, and the chocolate is wonderful. 

Luca Muecas Cucumber Lollipop: This was disgusting. It's the same concept as a fun dip but without the fun. The cucumber lollipop is dipped in spices and you eat it. The spices are more bitter than Kanye West at the Grammy's. The cucumber sucker tastes so artificial and fake. UGH.

 

Sabritas Salt & Lime Peanuts: These were my absolute favorite snack this month! I wish I hadn't eaten them so quickly. I love the salty and sour combination on these. Sort of like a vinegar potato chip but not quite as tart or pungent. If you like that kind of thing (or malt vinegar on fries) you'll love these.

Rollo de Coco: This is basically a log, a mixture of coconut sugar, milk, cinnamon and vanilla. I loved the texture and the initial taste but the aftertaste was like when you get shampoo in your mouth while washing your hair in the shower. Not optimal.

Pica Fresa: I was (not) pleasantly surprised by this little candy. I like sweet and spicy and this candy is supposed to be spicy on the outside, sweet on the inside. But all I got was a mouthful of strawberry sour then a butt load of salt. Bizarre, and not in a good way.

 

De La Rosa Mazapan: I originally misread that as Marzipan so I was only slightly disappointed when I opened it up. This round disc in a wonderful little confection that's basically peanuts and sugar. How can you go wrong? The texture is crumbly and kind of dry so I suppose some people might not dig that. But the flavor is amazing!

Las Sevillanas Obleas: Cajeta, the 3rd cousin of caramel and dulce de leche, is made my heating up goats milk very slowly and that is what makes up the delicious gooey middle of this treat. Unfortunately, the wafers that sandwich this yumminess taste like plastic. So sad. So Very Very Sad.

Lucas Skwinkles Rellenos with Pineapple and Tamarind: I don't remember the tamarind goody from the Thailand box but these skinny, gummy, spice covered goodies ARE FANTASTIC! My second favorite treat in the box, and not just because of the name, the consistency is like a cross between gummy worms and those fruit snacks (pick the brand you like - they all seem to have the same soft texture). So freakin' good!

There's a bonus item of a spice pack but we haven't used it yet. It's a spice mixture made of chili peppers, salt, and dehydrated lime juice. Could be good!

So as you can see, I really only liked 2 treats this month. That's okay. My palette is not the most sophisticated and I'm all right with that. The clue to next month leads us to believe we'll be getting treats from South Korea!

TRIVIA ANSWER: B. 1 hour. This isn't the sad story you're probably expecting. Pedro Lascurain willingly gave up the presidency after around 45 minutes as part of a complicated government coup. After his presidency, he retired from politics, became a full-time lawyer, and lived until he was 96.