The Monkey Is In.

So be prepared. Bring a banana.

I'm a writer of horror and dark fiction. I've been doing this since 1999 and believe me when I say, it's cheaper than therapy and safer for the world at large.

PDs, GFYs, and MEHs - October/November 2015

Yep...another post where I whine about the months slipping past me at an accelerated rate and me powerless to stop it.


Finally getting around to posting my thoughts on some truly great stuff, some not so great, and others that can take a running jump off a cliff. Let's get started, shall we?

PDs (Panty Droppers)

Let's start with the pictured stuff (make up and skin care) and then I'll talk about some food!

Essence Gel Eyeliner and Small Angled Brush: As I get older, the skin around my eyes gets more and more delicate (read: aged as fuck). Eyeliner pens, which are awesome and I do like them, get a little trickier to work with (read: pain in my ass). So gel liners are a great alternative. The one from Essence, in league with the little angled brush, are PERFECTION. The color is super black, it sets quickly, and it doesn't move one fucking inch all day. And I have really oily lids and a bit watery eyes. You can get this brand at Ulta Beauty and all Essence's products are pretty inexpensive!

L'Oreal Stylist Eyebrow Plumper:  Most of you who know me know I don't really have eyebrows. I mean, the hair is there but it's sparse, thin, and light in color. I've tried brow gels in the past but they are too gloppy and just goop all over the skin UNDER my brows. So I was a little dubious of this. But it works like a charm! The brush is tiny so it's easy to control and the product is just the right consistency. With a light hand, I can just build up those little hairs to the point where it looks like I have regular brows, not something drawn on. It's awesome! And once it sets, it doesn't move!

Pure Vanilla Roller ball Perfume from LaVanilla Lab: I've bitched about this company's lotion scent before (too heavy, very fake) but this perfume is wonderful. It's everything I want in a vanilla scent. I think I already talked about it in my last Ipsy double review but it's worth mentioning again. It's that good.

Makeup Revolution Blush Palette: I am super impressed with this brand. They are from Britain and until recently, we over on this side of the pond could only order their stuff on-line. Now Ulta is carrying part of their line. I got this blush palette, as well as a baked highlighter and some eye shadow, and I've got to say I'm in love. These blushes are so pigmented. I should have swatched them for you - maybe in another post (I might do a whole MR review). And now I've got 2 extra highlighters and they are gorgeous. Not super glittery - just a little shimmer - but they are awesome. 

Skin Food Rice Mask: I've had a lot of hit and miss with Korean skin care. If they work, they work perfectly. If they don't, they break me out so I look like a pineapple. No middle ground. Ugh. But this rice mask is fantastic! It's a thick unscented cream with little bits of rice (cooked, not raw - they don't want us to scrub our top layer of skin off!). You spread it on and rub it in for 10-15 minutes then rinse away. My arms get a bit tired at the 10 minute mark but my skin feels like it must have when I was born. I don't think any other scrub product has every made my skin feel so soft. I only use it once a week because I have a tendency to go overboard with stuff I like. I will definitely purchase more of this in the future.

Now for food awesomeness:

Peppermint Oreos: they are similar to the regular mint ones (that taste like Girl Scout Thin Mints). Peppermint is more of the flavor people associate with Christmas as it's in peppermint bark, cookies, I think candy canes are peppermint flavored, etc. GO GET SOME.

Chiobani Yogurt Flips: I get on my yogurt kicks every few months and these are great. Low fat flavored yogurt that comes with a little packet of bits you mix into the yogurt. The only one I haven't liked is the Peach yogurt with pistachios. I don't know why. Every other flavor has been great (Chocolate coconut, Peanut Butter Dream, Key Lime, Coffee Bliss....and more!). They're usually on sale at my grocery store so I'll grab 6 or 9 each time!

Now for the MEHs

Skin Food Honey Emulsion and Toner: Now here's an example of Korean skin care, from the same brand that I JUST raved about, that didn't work. It broke me out. The products themselves feel great and smell good. But my skin said no fucking way. But for those who don't break out easily, these might be really good.

Benefit Roller Lash: I want to say that somewhere Benefit claims this mascara creates volume and length while curling. It doesn't not. I don't have heavy thick lashes or ones that point straight down so the mascara curled my lashes extremely well! But when I compared it to other mascaras, they did just about the same thing. So I'd like to know if anyone with hard to curl lashes uses/tried this and what they think! For me it was just ok.

Physicians Formula Organic Wear Ultra Black Mascara (not pictured): I like a lot of PF's mascaras. This is the one that comes in the black packaging. It didn't really do anything spectacular for my lashes and it smudged a little bit. Might work great on someone else but just not for me.

Luxe Eyelash Essence: Got this from 3B in September. I've been using it most days (I forgot a couple of times) and it doesn't seem like anything is happening. Maybe it's a nice conditioner for lashes but it sure doesn't make them grow. Oh well.

And now for what is, honestly, my favorite part of these posts- the GFYs (Go Fuck Yourselves):

Looking at these pics I realize aside from one skin cream, it's all lip stuff. Huh.

Yu-Be Skin Cream: Ugh. Smells like straight up menthol. It doesn't feel nice on the skin either. Hopefully I'll never get another sample of this crap in my 3B bag.

Lipstick/Gloss Sample Foil Packets: What the fuck is this shit? First it's a crappy teeny sample of a lip product. Second it comes in a foil backed package that CANNOT be resealed. I had to monkey around with bobby pins to keep the foil from peeling and curling away and drying out the samples. You know, Avon used to make those mini lipstick tubes (do they still do that?) that probably contained the same amount of product in the above photo but were so much more consumer friendly. Get it together, make up companies. No one wants this bullshit.

NYX Liquid Suede Cream Lipstick: I was so excited for this. After the Colorpop matte lippie disaster earlier this fall, I'm eager to find comfortable matte lip products. Unfortunately, these are not it. I love NYX. I have a lot of lippies from them. But this dung in a tube is just awful. It dries to a sticky tacky layer, it goes on patchy as fuck, and it wears uneven. Terrible. Shitty. Awful. Useless.

Milani Amore Matte Lip Creme: If possible I think this stuff is worse than the NYX. Application is patchy, it's just about as dry as the Colorpop mattes (read: painful), and it wears off the inner part of the lips first (yes, you look like a blow up fuck doll). The dark purply-red color is gorgeous but the darker the color, the worse it looks. I could mess with it by putting a light pink lipstick over it and get this really cool blue duo-chrome effect but honestly, I don't like it enough to fuck with it that much. 

That's it. I'll try to get a quick post up at the end of the year. But since it's already December 7, don't hold your breath.