The Monkey Is In.

So be prepared. Bring a banana.

I'm a writer of horror and dark fiction. I've been doing this since 1999 and believe me when I say, it's cheaper than therapy and safer for the world at large.

Roscoe P. Coltrane 2005 - 2015

Our family has been reduced by one. On July 13 we had to say goodbye to Roscoe P. Coltrane, one of the most neurotic and wonderful dogs we’ve ever had the privilege of knowing. He took ill suddenly so he didn’t suffer long. We refused to put him through exploratory surgery, a multitude of tests, or feed him any more drugs to maybe, possibly find the cause of his sickness which more than likely wouldn’t have had a cure – or at least he would have gone through hell before the inevitable end. He deserved better than that.

 Whether or not we could see it, Roscoe was an older dog. 10 1/2 years is a hell of a run for a dog his size (larger breeds have a tendency to live shorter lives) and who was not supposed to live long beyond puppyhood anyway, at least according to a DICKHEAD vet at Gasow Veterinary Hospital.

We found this little pup at the “Find Your Best Friend at the Zoo” event in April 2005. He was 7-8 weeks old and sicker than he looked. When we took him to the vet the next day for a check-up, the doc said we shouldn’t bother wasting any money on him because he was too ill. So naturally we said “fuck THAT guy” and spent the next 10+ years spoiling our new dog rotten. He got to spend some time with our other dogs, Buster and Logan (the latter really taking a shine to the little guy), before they had to take their own journeys across the Rainbow Bridge. 

I’m sure you can forgive me my overtly emotional tone here.

Roscoe got the whole house to himself for about a year before we decided he needed a buddy. Not sure he was all that enthusiastic about Dozer’s arrival but after a couple of months, he finally warmed up to his new house mate. He was never a cuddler with D but he did worry when Dozer was out of the house without him. And he let Dozer use him as a pillow from time to time.

I know Roscoe had his issues: trouble with the stairs (he did finally learn to go up and down the basement steps a few months ago, though!); food stealing; garbage digging; poop eating; heralding a guest’s arrival and departure with great hullabaloo; barking at anyone who DARED come within 100 feet of his house/yard. But as Robert and I returned from the vet, holding an empty collar and a slack leash, I realized how much I loved his noise, his powerhouse barking, and his absolute unadulterated enthusiasm at our mere presence.

 I don’t like the quiet now. It’s going to take some time getting used to.

As any pet owner will tell you, we all know these fur babies are temporary pack members. We are only allowed to borrow them for a short time to remind us of how beautiful life can be with them by our sides. And though it hurts like hell to say goodbye, I don’t even want to imagine what our lives would have been without Roscoe’s love and light.

 Roscoe, I hope you find Buster and Logan on the other side. I hope you are happy and healthy and at peace. I hope you are in a place where it’s naked time all the time, a bounty of treats is never more than a paw’s length away, and you can announce the new arrivals with all the gusto you can muster as they pad across the bridge. I will love and miss you until we meet again.

The Horror Movie Tag

One of the YouTube channels I regularly visit, Blood Bath and Beyond, is run by a gaggle of super friendly Canadians: Travis, Jay, John, and Collin. They were recently tagged by The Horror Whore, aka Lindsey, to answer 10 questions in a Horror Movie Tag. And Jay answered the call.

It got me thinking about what my own answers might be and so I contacted Lindsey to see if it would be all right to do this through a blog, since I don't have a YouTube channel, and if I could tag other bloggers and podcasters. And hooray! She said cool! I'll have the link to her original video with the questions and the BBB vid below.

And now...on to the Horror Movie Tag!

1. What is the first horror movie you remember watching?                                                                     I remember the movie I peeked at when I was supposed to be in bed: The Exorcist. I only caught a few minutes of the film on a little black and white TV. I don't even remember which scene it was but the feeling of absolute terror is still with me today. It was probably my first hit of the Horror drug and I've been hooked ever since.

2. What is your favorite horror movie?                                                                                                       This is a tough one since I love so many. But I'll pick one that I've watched dozens of times and have never tired of it: Fright Night. Vampires are the shit, y'all, and Chris Sarandon was absolutely brilliant as Jerry Dandridge, the most terrifying and sexy vampire to grace the silver screen.

3. What is your favorite horror movie genre?                                                                                       Based on my previous answer, you can probably guess that vampires are my favorite genre in horror. I don't know why but they've always called to me. I love their immortality, their beauty, their powers over so many things (people, animals, weather). Even if they're angsty vamps (whiny little Louis comes to mind first), I still adore them. 

4. What genre scares you the most?                                                                                                                     I assume she meant which sub-genre in horror scares me the most and I'll say supernatural - like ghosts and possession (demons or spirits). Those are the kinds of things that you can't see or grab a hold of so how the hell are you supposed to fight back? Since I lack a certain amount of will power and strength, depending on that aspect in life means I'm basically fucked if a demon ever decides to take control of me.

5. What is the last horror movie you watched that actually scared you?                                           I just watched The Babadook. Mostly it made me uneasy and uncomfortable but there were aspects that terrified me. 

6. Who is your ultimate scream queen?                                                                                                         I'm going to go old school here and say Linnea Quigly. I haven't seen everything she's done but she always comes to mind when I think about the flicks I have seen of hers. She's so quirky and unusual and her characters make the most impact on me, especially that lipstick trick from Night of the Demons. You know what I'm talking about. And if you don't? Oh, you poor little thing.

7. What's a concept that you'd like to see in horror?                                                                                I'd like to see more anthology movies. The original Creepshow films are some of my favorites (and I'm including way back to the 70s, folks). Tales from the Darkside, Trick r Treat, the ABCs of Death are a few that I've really enjoyed. I didn't like the VHS films but that doesn't mean the format has had it's day. I hope more of this style are created in the future.

8. What is your favorite on screen kill?                                                                                                         Ah! So many quality kills out there. But I'll go with the head exploding scene in Scanners. 'Nuf said.

9. What's your favorite horror franchise?                                                                                                 This is probably a toss up between Nightmare on Elm Street and Puppetmaster. I own more films from NOES than from PM but I always loved watching the evolution of the puppets, from sentient bad guys to almost heroes. Freddy devolved into goofy the further the franchise went on but he was the most terrifying right out of the gate and such an enduring presence.

10. Who's your favorite horror director?                                                                                                            I don't really know one director from another just by watching a movie they directed but Wes Craven has been pretty dang consistent in his work. Aside from NOES, I loved The Serpent and the Rainbow, People Under the Stairs, Scream, Last House on the Left, and Swamp Thing to name a few.

That's it for me! I tag MontiLee Stormer, Michael Cieslak, Kevin Moyers, and David Hayes. I figure anyone who doesn't want to blog or make a podcast with this can just post on FB. ALL THE SOCIAL MEDIA! Feel free to tag as few or as many people as you'd like!

To check out The Horror Whore's channel, go here:        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fexgXN4m0Uk

The check out Blood Bath and Beyond's video, go here:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5SvUG6rqU2E